When I first moved to Hawaii I was afraid of these:
It wasn't rational. They had never done anything to me. They were just so creepy. I tried my best to avoid them. Especially when I found out they could jump. And drop egg sacs filled with millions of tiny alive babies on your kitchen floor if you startled them. But they are not aggressive. They would rather run away and hide than attack. As far as I know they don't even bite. And besides, I was about a million times bigger than they were. I could easily crush the life out of them, and all those tiny alive babies, if I were inclined to violence. If you hurt them at all they crumple up into little balls with their legs all folded in. Without all those legs they look much less intimidating. But not very much less creepy.
I was also afraid of these:
Now these are the stuff of nightmares. Maybe it's built into our DNA. I have only been stung once. It wasn't the centipede's fault. I stepped on it in the dark and he reached up and got my ankle. I'm sure I would have done the same thing if I were being crushed. If I see a centipede in my house its life is mine. If they are outside they are free to go. I do this to improve my centipede karma. My husband prefers to dismember them. Even if they are in their natural habitat minding their own business. He has terrible centipede karma. He has been stung at least three times, always while sleeping in bed. Sometimes being afraid might be the smartest thing to be.
And these:
There is no way for these creatures to hurt me. The only thing they can do is fly into my face or crawl all over me spreading filth. And yes, they can fly. They do fly. They also creep around in dark places excreting trails of brown and smelly bodily fluids. They are gross and disgusting and vile and repulsive and foul and horrifying. But not dangerous.
And even, I am ashamed to admit, these:
My first night on Kauai I looked up and saw one of these on the ceiling. I must have looked concerned. I was told, "Don't worry, they always stay up there." But as soon as I went to bed that night one of them fell on my face. And to my dismay they continued to fall on me, or jump on me, year after year, when I least expected it, from toasters and shower curtains and window screens and lamps. Geckos can be vicious to each other, but they are completely harmless to humans. Unless your heart is weak.
After a few years I lost my fear of all these creatures. Mostly. They became just another part of the landscape. Usually. We tolerated each other. Up to a point. If roaches or centipedes found their way into my house they were slaughtered without mercy. Geckos and spiders were sent outside to live with the hope that they would gorge themselves on roaches and centipedes. I was so proud of myself when I was finally able to pick up geckos with my bare hands and take them outside. I felt so fearless.
I am feeling sort of fearless again these days as we upend our lives and get ready to wander. But a lot of people seem to be afraid for us. We're getting a lot of advice lately on how to keep ourselves safe on the road.
When we were on the mainland buying our adventure vehicle we were sitting in the finance manager's office doing paperwork. We had told her our story and she seemed excited for us. Then she started asking how we were going to protect ourselves. If we were going to get a gun. Or mace. We laughed and said no. And no. She said, "Well, you should at least get a can of wasp spray. Because wasp spray is designed to shoot long distances so you don't have to get close to your target." Target? I thought. There are going to be targets?
When we were finalizing plans for our first house-sit someone in our family said, "Just make sure they don't steal your credit card information." But I don't even know how this would be possible. Nobody is paying anybody for anything. We are the strangers coming into someone else's home. It seems to me that we will be the ones with opportunities for pillage and plunder. If pillage and plunder were on our to-do list.
And when we started looking for an Airbnb place in California we were told in ominous tones to make sure we don't go near Oakland. Tones that made us think we wouldn't make it out of there alive. But one of Gary's best friends has lived there for as long as I can remember. He and his wife were on the phone with Gary the other night and they were laughing. They kind of sounded happy. Maybe their house has bulletproof windows. And a safe room filled with weapons.
We have even been warned about Bigfoot. We believe the person issuing this warning was serious. We're kind of afraid to ask.
But I'm still feeling sort of brave. I think I was more worried about playing wrong notes in my Sunday morning preludes than I am about setting out for parts unknown without a real plan. And maybe I'm being naive, but I believe the world is a safer place than we are sometimes told it is. What we're planning to do seems less scary to me than the thought of looking up one day when we're too old and tired to change anything and saying, wait a minute, what just happened?
Gary is a risk manager. He used to get paid to think about worst case scenarios. He's really good at it. He does it every time we go out, assessing the pros and cons of each and every parking stall in each and every parking lot we ever find ourselves in. And he does it with pretty much every other decision we ever make in our lives. Whether I want him to or not. We're going to be careful. We're going to make the best risk-managed choices we can. The truth is, terrible things might happen to us while we're on the road. But terrible things might happen to us if we're not on the road.
When my older son left home for the first time at a very young age, to start his life in another city, the last thing I said to him at the airport was, "Keep your wits about you." This has become a family joke. I am mocked mercilessly for these words. But I'm going to say them again. We are going to keep our wits about us, trust our instincts, and decide for ourselves what to be afraid of. We are going to assume the best about the world and the people that inhabit it. And we are going to consider getting that can of wasp spray for the glove compartment. In case we are wrong about everything.
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